15 October 2013

Treading Water: Things about Marriage no one Tells You About.

Founders Note: Today on the blog we have Courtney from Titus 2 Minutes. She sent us her post via email, and once we read it, we told her we were definitely going to use it!  She is also one of our sponsors this month, so be sure to check out her blog at the links below! Today she is sharing her heart on this months theme Identity in Christ.  

The other day I had lunch with my grandma and she asked me what new lessons the Lord has been teaching me  and what sweet mercies I have been experiencing since being married. (For those of you who don’t know, I have been married to the most wonderful man I know for eight lovely months now!) After pondering that deep question for a minute, I replied that what I have been learning is that my identity is found in Christ.

You see, for the first time in my life, I am not working toward anything specifically for me. I am not working at finishing college, I am not working to build my savings, I am not traveling so I can experience other cultures. For the first time, my life is not about me. And it has been harder than I anticipated.

It feels a little bit like treading water – you are working hard but not really going anywhere. You are in the middle of the ocean and you can see the shore in the distance and you can see the boat a little ways off. The shore is the future goal of being a stay-at-home wife and mom and the boat is a closer goal of finding a job that you are passionate about. The water is warm and you have a life raft, so you are content where you are. However, you feel like you should be pursuing one of the goals.

When you get married, life is not about your plans or your ambitions anymore. You have shared goals and shared ambitions. But as a wife, a lot of those goals are primarily our husbands’ dreams and plans. And we know that, biblically, we wives are called to be our husband’s helper. I know that I have been called to help my husband reach those goals.

But no one tells you about what that feels like for you. I am a very driven and ambitious person, so when I was no longer pursuing my own plans I began to feel a little lost. I didn't really know what to do with myself now that I wasn't striving for a goal. Being a person who always knew exactly what she wanted, I felt like I was floundering around because I no longer knew what I wanted.
And then the Lord graciously showed me how much I had found my identity in what I was doing. I had found my identity in being a Master’s College student or an events coordinator or a secretary at Grace Community Church. The Lord had to take away or end those things in order to humble me and cause me to realize that my identity is found in Him.

The world constantly informs me that I will only be satisfied if I have a great career and do something of “significance.” My flesh whispers in my ear that by working part-time and taking care of our home the rest of the time that I am wasting my potential and that my giftedness is not being put to use.

This is all a lie. 

The truth is that, as a woman and especially as a new creation in Christ, I have been created to be a helper for my husband. I will only find true satisfaction when I find my identity in Christ and fulfill the role that He has tasked me with. It does not matter what I am “doing,” if I am obeying Christ and serving my husband in a way that helps him my life has great significance.

Satan wants to tell us that we need to find our satisfaction outside of the home and ultimately outside of Christ. He knows that the home is an integral part of raising up a godly generation. He knows that the home is where we battle sin together and learn to become more like the Lord. And he wants to destroy it.

Ladies, don’t let the lies of this world cloud what your true purpose is and distract you from where your true identity is found.
To the single ladies, this post is for you too. Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes in Lies Women Believe, “…women who are unmarried are still called to be‘homemakers,’ though in a different sense.  They are to devote their energies and efforts to building the household of faith; they are to live selfless lives that revolve not around their own interests and aspirations, but around Christ and His kingdom.”
Friends, when we find our greatest joy in pursuing the kingdom of Christ, we as will find the greatest significance.

Meet Courtney:  
Courtney is a homemaker and wife of eight months. She graduated from The Master's College with a bachelor's degree in Home Economics/Family & Consumer Sciences. Courtney was inspired to start her blog because she desired to see women grow in their relationship with the Lord. She has a passion for encouraging women to pursue godliness. She seeks to help them put "arms and legs" on their theology - meaning she wants to help them bridge the gap between knowledge of the Lord/Bible and actually living those truths out in daily life. Connect with her here: Blog|Twitter|Pinterest|Instagram


  1. Thanks for sharing courtney, I loved your post. Even as a single lady ;) It reminds us to find our identity in Christ.

  2. Great post Courtney! I appreciate your story and sharing your heart with us.


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